Do you know that a great number of people, both men and women, pick up and develop bad behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings? In this particular context, i’m referring to behaviors and beliefs that involves social interactions, especially with women and our self-esteem. Most of these beliefs and behaviors are unconsciously learned by us and they eventually impede our goals of success. We oftentimes inundate our minds with beliefs like: i’m too old for him or her, i’m too ugly, i’m too fat, and no man or woman would want me. I get too nervous to talk to women, i’m afraid of rejection, whenever i talk to women, i always say dumb things, i don’t know how to talk to women, i’m shy, i’m not up to his or her standard, the list goes on. But all of the above are beliefs and thoughts that often hinders us from getting what we want. In order to achieve success, we must change how we think, to a more positive direction. But how on earth can we do that? Because it is very easy to say change! But to actually change is far more difficult. But it can be done. First, you’ve got to UNLEARN what you’ve learned before. But how do you unlearn a behaviour? Aren’t those things ingrained in your being? The answer to that is capital NO!! Behaviours are just learned responses to certain stimuli. If you’re afraid of meeting any beautiful woman, it is because sometime, in your life, you learned to associate fear with talking to a beautiful woman. One way you change this, is by adopting “reciprocal behaviours”. Reciprocal behaviours are reactions that competes with each other. If a reciprocal reaction can be evoked in a situation that usually elicits a different response, then the old reaction will be weakened. Learning occurs as the new response grows stronger and the old response grows weaker. For instance, relaxation is the reciprocal to anxiety, assertiveness is the reciprocal to shyness, and positive thoughts is the opposite to negative thoughts. Those reciprocal or opposite reactions you developed will begin to weaken the less desirable reactions, only if they can be practiced consistently and evoked under conditions that would normally elicit the old reactions. In otherwords, if you really want to change, you have to go out, into the field and apply the behaviours that you want to instill inside you. To do this, you must consistently engage in situations where the old feelings and thoughts usually spring up. Change is a step process, you must first figure out what situation evokes negative behaviours or thoughts, then expose yourself to varying degrees of that situation until you feel completely comfortable with it. The systematic practice of this sensitization technique is critical to your success. The sink or swim methods like, “throwing you into the flames” that most people abide by, can be less successful and much more stressful. Moreover, sink or swim methods may make the symptoms worse by reinforcing your negative beliefs. However, real-life hierarchies can be inconvenient to arrange, and difficult to control. Fortunately, it is not always necessary for you to confront real situations in order to change your behaviours in these situations. If you have a vivid imagination and responds to images of a situation in the same way you respond to the situation itself, then, it is possible for you to re-educate yourself at home and in the office. It is still important that, you don’t imagine situations that are too intense. As doing so, would risk eliciting and reinforcing the old reactions, instead of practicing the new ones. Though, it can be a very long and hard task to undertake, but if you can do it, it is absolutely rewarding.